I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
