i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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