i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
