There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
