i would punch a child for taco bell
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize