He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize