Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
