R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
