Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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