Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
