Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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