I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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