As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
