Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
