I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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