Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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