90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
