I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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