Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
