I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Of course I have a pirate flag
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
