I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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