I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
