If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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