I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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