She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
