i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
