I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
