Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
