Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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