were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
