she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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