Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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