They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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