just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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