I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
