I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
