I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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