Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
