No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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