she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
