You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
