remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
