Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
