Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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