Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Randomize
