Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
