It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
