isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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