I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
