Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
