You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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