Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
