I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
