I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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