I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize