I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
