If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
