I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
