Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
